It’s been a month.
I’ve been on the magical beautiful island of Bali, Indonesia.
This is what I’ve learned:
- I am joyfully committed to my patrons, as they are to me
- There is no such thing as ‘away’
- I am an addict
- A simple life is a worthy goal, and it’s more complicated than it seems
1. I am joyfully committed to my patrons, as they are to me
My heart’s first message to me during my time away was of the deep love and appreciation I have for every single one of my patrons.
I am in awe and in love with over 200 people who share a part of their income -and so much love- with me because of the value my art has brought them. Such a simple, and pure, exchange.
We have built a connection based on trust, compassion and open-heartedness. I have watched many of them become best friends with other ‘Nateives’ from around the world. I’ve witnessed and shared in their heartaches, their joys, their job hunts and their new loves. And, they’ve shared in all the myriad parts of me too, and held me safe in their love.
I am so excited to continue this journey with you all! thank you my lovely Nateives, I fucking love y’all!
And hey, if you love the things I bring into the world and want to be a part of this amazingly loving community, join the tribe: http://patreon.com/natemaingard.
2. There is no such thing as ‘away’
All the things I thought I could take time ‘away’ from arrived with me in Ubud. As well as beautiful connections and barefoot wanderings, I’ve spent time in dark depression, hiding in my room watching endless movies, while the beauty outside continued on without me.
“We all find our secrets, patient in the shadows, right there where we left them waiting.”
Through this experience, I realise that I can be anywhere in the world, and the work needed to love myself must still be done for me to find my contentment in myself.
There is no ‘escape’…and that realisation is a liberation for me.
I am here, wherever here is. My life is a beautiful mosaic of multifarious experiences. I’m not here to fix it all today. I’m here to truly live it all, and share with care my heart’s offerings.
3. I am an addict
In this world of instant gratification, I have become addicted to the quick fix of technology. ‘Social’ media, movies, games…all these things, which in themselves are neither positive nor negative, have become weapons of mass distraction, which I use to hide from my uncomfortable feelings.
All through my ‘time away’, I have been constantly hooked, using instagram, twitter, facebook, etc, when I’m ‘bored’ (ie: when I have to sit alone with my Self).
There is no judgement here, it’s good to be aware of it all and to be speaking about it. The challenging truth is that social media is my ‘business’ as well as my addiction, so it’s like I’m a bar owner who is also an alcoholic.
I have to find a way to bring more balance into that part of my life. I’ve been struggling with this for years and it’s only getting more pronounced.
Time for change!
PS: internet addiction is a real thing: http://www.addictionrecov.org/Addictions/index.aspx?AID=43.
PPS: please don’t tell me I should ‘just use the inernet less’, which people say to me when I tell them about it. Would you say that to a cocaine addict, or an alcoholic? With internet/computer addicts, the same parts of our brains are triggered as drug users.
5. A simple life is a worthy goal, and it’s more complicated than it seems
This is a topic for another blog/vlog…but suffice to say: life is complex, this world is wild, we are all working it out as we go along. ‘Simple’ might be too simple a way to describe a life well lived, hah!
There you have it folks, some of the things I’ve been contemplating and realising on this little trip of mine.
WHERE TO NEXT???
I’m in Indonesia for another month, then heading to Sydney, Australia, to visit my brother…and hopefully meeting a few Nateive Patrons while I’m there!
After that it’s onward to California to meet up with my lovely sweetheart Carly, visit my sister, hang out with some Nateive Patrons in a few communities, high five the folks at Patreon HQ and visit my lovely grandma down in southern Cali.
Finally, I’ll be returning to South Africa in late 2016 to work with a booking agent who will be assisting in organising tours and festival shows until mid 2017. Excited to be on the road in my home country again!
Again, really wanting to meet as many of y’all as possible, so please stay in touch and come meet up with me along the way!
I shall be sharing new creations again soon! The more vulnerably personal stuff is gonna be shared with my patrons on Patreon, where I feel most safe online, while many creations will be available for the public, yay!
That’s it. I love you, thank you for keeping on keeping on. This life is fucking wild.
PS: I am proud of myself, proud that I have found a way to stay true to my heart and share my art with the people who choose to engage with it. I will continue to ask for support through Patreon (yes, please bring your energy to my art on Patreon). If this makes you uncomfortable, that is your issue to work through, because I am done explaining myself to you who don’t understand why my art should be value. I am entirely happy to know that I am directly connected with the people who value what I offer this world the most, thank you very much